Remember that an apology without a behavior change isn’t an apology; it’s just empty words. That goes for your partner as well as you, and it means that you’re accountable for adjusting your actions, too. If your partner has a tendency to apologize but keeps doing the same thing, you’re probably struggling to keep your cool. Calmly, clearly explain what’s happening and why it upsets you, and find a way to compromise so that you’re both having your needs met.
Communication can start to break down after a heated discussion or argument, and it takes a lot of effort to get back to your usual level sometimes. Unless you’re reading this during the first 3 months or so of your relationship, the ship may have sailed in terms of establishing your needs early. A lot of us see communication as giving feedback, and when we think of problems with communicating, it’s about negative scenarios.
There are two people in every relationship, so don’t shift the blame to be entirely on their shoulders. Timbre refers to your voice’s emotional quality, attitude and tone. Pay careful attention to this, and watch for red flag timbres like sarcasm that can erode communication in relationships and cause distrust between partners.
Learn to self-soothe in the moment, whether that means taking a pause to take a few deep breaths and reset yourself, or taking a 20-minute break from the conversation if you’re feeling emotionally flooded. “Then, it is really important that the person who took the break comes back to the conversation when calm,” Earnshaw adds. “I” statements in conversations help your partner understand your feelings.
To avoid unnecessary arguments, try to compromise as much as possible. For example, when making decisions, write a list of pros and cons together to help you stay objective. Or, take turns choosing smaller things, like what movie you watch or where you eat. For more tips, including how to end a conversation when it turns into an argument, read on.
Make an effort to eliminate distractions while you’re having a conversation. Putting your full attention on what your partner is communicating to you also helps minimize the likelihood of misunderstandings. If your partner is a poor communicator, it can be helpful to open up a https://bio.site/Fanforus conversation about it outside of an actual conflict. It’s much harder to accept feedback about your tone or communication techniques at the moment when you are already upset and feeling under attack.
